'Be glad there is a course!'

Even if not during the course about married life, perhaps in the breaks you will get interesting information, writes Gie Meeuwis in reaction to Saman Penjwini's entry:

Saman should be glad about this course for engaged youngsters for many reasons. The most important of course is the fact that people are told about abuse of women in marriages which should stop. Inequality of persons is something one should fight for.

Next of course is the idea of the "virgin bride". We all make mistakes in love and too often one decides to give their virginity to the wrong person. Love makes us blind as we all know. But what stroke me the most is the fact that it seemed that Saman thought this kind of information for young engaged people is something new. Well it is not.

More than 35 years ago I wanted to marry the woman I loved and love. But the catholic priest would only approve to mary us in a catholic church if we would follow a course for an entire weekend. We decided to get married in church just pro forma, since we were raised in a catholic family and everybody, especially our parents, wanted us to marry in church as well as legally. For us it was more symbolically and romantic than promising eternal love in front of God.

So we went on a weekend to become "formed" into righteous young people who would engage and marry. And what did we do? (As far as I remember, since it is so long ago) We got discussions with another young couple who had had marital problems, information on the legal status, whether to have a marital contract of separating the goods in marriage or bring everything in one ownership and all other legal stuff. Nothing about sex itself of course.

And was it a weekend well spend? Well yes, just for one little hint: never finish the day without giving one another a well meant kiss, out of true love for one another; even when there were differences of opinion, since even those should not shake the relationship. It was this simple "rule" given to us by the troubled couple which really proved to be a good idea (as long as you are honest about it).

But isn't just that the clue: be honest to one another and have the courage to say what is on your heart?

Gie Meeuwis is journalist and trainer